Questions for questions, I've got a question.
...I don't want your lover...
So beautiful it creates an emotion you thought you lost. I have been lost. I started this blog to get over my past and live my life. I wanted to blog every day. Everything I loved turned to dust and I… I started to fade into my own bad memory. I had a song stuck in my head. I don’t know where I heard it. I had to hear it again. When I need to hear a song though, I need to hear it over and over again until my brain is satisfied. So, I downloaded the entire album. Butterflies! I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I feel sad. I feel mad. But to feel love. You can love a film, you can love a song, and you can love the weather. But can a song make you fall in love with your future before you have met it? Neon trees. I feel the butterflies that you get when you are falling in love. Wishes I knew this love. And then I remember, I don’t look for love, love looks for me. I know I am not ready, but I guess you could say that life throws the best surprises at you when you least need them. I hear their words and they reach my soul. I want to jump up and down and sing every word with them. Simple like haiku but so much more is there. I feel young. I feel sexy. I feel like me before I was 23. Before I learned too much about the world. The point where you decide if this knowledge will affect me negatively. It doesn’t have to.... Dying is easy and life is hard because it has to. I don’t think life wants to be hard. It just wants to make survivors. I didn’t know how much I wanted to survive until now. You can live and just be an existence. Or you can live this one life likes it’s the only one you have. Even with reincarnation, each life is still the only one life of that life you will live. Live it grandly! Play me down a lover. Like we are under cover. Words are so amazing. Rhymes create a sensation in me that others would call euphoria. Although, I appear to have a jen-ism disorder, words bring me great pleasure. So much power. I am learning that keeping quiet is almost like foreplay. You, the out spoken goddess playing coy. Imagine the power. And although I love words, the less you say, the more you are actually saying. Nothing speaks louder than eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, but words are the door. Yes, I am a walking contradiction. Why do I have to pick just one fact and stick to it. These are a few of my favorite things… great memories are only a tune away. Music has saved my life time and time again. When it’s just me and me, down in the doldrums, struggling with my identity…another life saving opportunist is born to remind me why I chose to be here, still. I no longer need the fear of a false deity. Movies show us that love is stronger than hate. Thank you neon trees. I am finding myself and you have inspired emotion in me again. I can write words that feel like my body and soul are one, working together for a common goal. Yes!
