Seems silly to keep up the dear James letters but something can be said about closure. Almost like those ads they make you run in the newspaper when you are trying to divorce someone you can't find. Yea. That's a thing. Turns out ghosting is neither new nor does level of commitment even matter. One day, you are happily with your forever person and then bam, no person.
I think a lot of us know the pain from being ghosted, but what goes through the mind of the ghoster? Who hurt you? Why pass that hurt on? I don't think I was ghosted this last time. I think I said some things in anger. Things you don't get to take back. I can hear Wesley's words now, if only as a whisper on the wind. As you wish.... moral of the story is, be careful what you wish for because you might get it.
Regret is such a weird concept. It implies that if you could change something/someone/some moment - you would, but also means admitting to disliking something/someone as that/theycurrently are/etc. So, we are shaped by our experiences, all experiences, good and bad. Some things have little impact while others roar like the tsunami created from the flutter of butterfly wings. That's the tricky part about relationships. What becomes the mountains and vice versa for the mole holes?
I have a friend, that got into a fight with her SO and in a moment of anger,words were said. Just a mention of hygiene pet peeves while living in shared areas. Now my friend takes out the bathroom trash, daily. Daily. Over one comment made, over 10 years ago, in the middle of a small dispute.
This brings me back to James. Words were said. Things that won't ever be forgotten, on both sides. This is the real reason I won't send the text. Why relive that trauma only to eventually end up here because we caused too much regret... Maybe pride plays a part too. Maybe he's waiting for me to send that text. Or better yet, he has moved on. Living his life, hoping to find a more compatible forever person. That's what I truly want. That's all I have ever wanted. Did I want that for me with him? Yes. But I'll take second best which is his happiness. Remember that loving someone means wishing that they are happy, even if that does not include you. Let them fly free. If they wanted it, they would fly home. As of today, o notifications.
That being said, this will conclude the dear James letters, but will not discontinue the blog. I enjoy writing. Crazy concept, yes. But I also think people who love math are weird. What ever floats your boat. I started a fictional paranormal noir with a modern take a few years ago for a college class I took for fun. Creative Writting 101. Maybe I'll post it. Could be fun. Note that this class did nothing for the progress of my degree. I literally took it for fun. 0 regrets on that $500.
Here's to a new year, old me 🍻🍻🍻
